This website is for the partners—and potential partners—of people with Asperger’s Syndrome,
now known as autism spectrum disorder.

The goal of this website is to inform you of the personal impact of having a partner with Asperger’s Syndrome, and to help you spot a potential partner with AS so you can make an informed decision in your best interest, as all people have a right to do. For those of you already involved with such a partner, it is meant to validate your experience and provide links to helpful resources.

People with AS have major barriers to communication and empathy that render them incapable of emotional reciprocity. Because of this, partners and families experience emotional deprivation and ongoing psychological trauma.

While there is an abundance of information and support available for people with AS, there is not nearly enough for their partners and families, nor is most of what is available accurate or meaningful.

People with AS have significant impairments in their abilities to recognize the thoughts and feelings of others and to connect emotionally. It should be obvious that these deficits will have a significant impact on relationships.

Unfortunately, this impact is greatly diminished in much of the information about autism spectrum disorders, and as a result the experiences and needs of partners and families are invalidated. The majority are without the support and help they desperately need.

When accurate information is made available, there are aggressive and coordinated attempts to silence it (for this reason, I will not be enabling comments or providing contact information on this website). Autism activists don’t believe their loved ones suffer—a belief that stems from the very nature of their disorder—so they regard any information that does not portray them in a positive light as false and discriminatory. It is irrational, then, that the mental health community has succumbed to their pressure (as has the media) and in doing so, has left so many without the help they need. It is a grave violation of professional ethics, and calls into question personal ethics as well.

The truth is long overdue, as is recognition and meaningful assistance for partners and family members.

Because people with AS are unable to have insight into their relational and communication deficits and how those deficits affect others, they will oppose the information on this site. To all of you, I am sorry if it causes you distress.

About the author: I had a year-long relationship with a man who did not disclose his diagnosis of Asperger’s Syndrome. I also had a female friend with the disorder who chose not to tell me. But AS cannot be hidden for very long. Their deficits in empathy and communication became painfully apparent. Both relationships were traumatic. Had I known about AS and its effect on others in relationships, I could have avoided becoming involved with them. People with AS should disclose their diagnosis if they are aware of it, and we should have access to accurate information about how this and other autism spectrum disorders affect others. It would enable all of us to avoid a lot of unnecessary pain and trauma.

Copyright © 2017